"ʻawahia" aloha: no ke aha la oe e haalele aku ia?

People i inherently kaiapili mea. Ka hapa nui o mākou aloha i ka ia i loko o ka walaʻau pūʻulu o nā hoa a me ka hanauna. Kēia e leie aku iā mākou i ka i leʻaleʻa, a kaʻana like 'ana inā pilikia ka haumāna. A ki i maikai o keia au o ka hou Naita me ia i loko o ka hiʻona o ka lawelawe latike. E like me 'oe ke ike, kanaka i eager e launa pū' ana, a 'Imi huli no ka mea nui o ka hui' ana me kekahi i kekahi.

Wahi a Dr. Arthur Aron, ka luna hoʻokele o ke keʻena hoʻokolohua o interpersonal ana ma ke Kulanui o kahi paaa Brook: "ka pili aloha i loa nui no kanaka ola, a me keia mea e kahaha ko oukou naau. He nui nā haʻawina i i hōʻike i ka mea hoʻopili ma waena o mau kino a me ka 'ehaʻeha o ka moku'āina.

Ka nele no ka lawelawe hoʻohui '

Neuroscientists i laila, hoʻohana 'ia e wehewehe i ke kanaka e pono ai no aloha: ua hana mākou lolo nona ka evolutionary keʻano o ka hanaʻana i ke kinona o kekahi maomeka i ka pāʻana i ka makemake e hui ma ka lawelawe pūʻulu. No laila, i loko o ka cerebral cortex o ka lolo ia mea he ciia kapaia ka neocortex, a hou wauke. Ma kānaka, keia Oihana Ua nui aku ma mua i loko o nā mammals. Neocortex mea kuleana no ka stimulation o kiekie ae nohona cognition, empathy, ke hiki i ka maopopo i ka manao a me ka manao o kekahi poe e ae. Eia naʻe, i kēia hiʻona ua poorly hoʻomohala i loko o kekahi kanaka.

counterproductive kanaka

I loko nō he nui loa hoike neurobiological e kuhikuhi i ka pono o ke kanaka i loko o ka nohona hoʻohui ', ka mea e olelo aku i kekahi mea e pili ana i ka makemake o ke kanaka, e hookupaa aku, a malama i ola ka pili ma. Akā, e like me mākou eʻike, na mea e ae i e counterproductive no mākou ka noʻonoʻo a me ka physical ola. A ma laila nō "ʻawahia kanaka" - hoa, make mākou ola, a ua manaoia wale i ko lakou mau mea e pono ai. No ke aha la oe i hoole, e kamaʻilio me ia kekahi kanaka? No ka hoʻomaka mākou e nānā i ka mea he "ʻawahia" aloha.

He aha mea he "ʻawahia" aloha?

E hoʻomaopopo i kona hoa counterproductive kanaka, pane mai anei oe i kekahi mau mea nīnau:

• Kou hoa hana oe Hauʻoli?
• Ua poe koa 'oe e kiʻi maikaʻi?
• Ua hōʻike ana me oe, a "i loko o ke kaumaha, a me ka olioli"?
• He oe imi i kou hoa,ʻaʻohe pehea paakiki ia mea mea?
• I keia kanaka ike Loaʻaʻia i loko o oe, a hiki ina oe e ole ike?
• ina oia pulls oe i?

Inā 'oe Olelo negatively loa ninau i, kou hoa mea he koʻikoʻi Luna o ke kanaka "ʻawahia".

Kēia kanaka i hiki ke hana ino aku ia oe, a mai mihi kēia. He e mau manaʻo ai i kou lokomaikaʻi me ka mohai i kekahi mea i loko hoʻi. Ua hōʻike ana me oe no ka pono o, no ka mea, hoʻohana, e lawe i ka manawa, akā, i ke kuleana pili i inverse atrophied. Ma ka palapala a ia mea prone e escalate i ka hana keaka exaggerate a dissipate io Emotions a puni ona. A pau kana mau hana, a hoike loa hoole aku paha i ka manaʻo o "aloha". He mea hoʻokahi "akā,": mai counterproductive aloha mea i oluolu i ka pakele ana o. Kou hoa o Ruta ia oe e like me ka leech. He E ho'āʻo ma nā mea e hoʻomau i kaʻai i kou lokomaikaʻi.

Naau paakiki ole ai hoʻokaʻawale aʻe au e pili ana

ʻawahia hoa ike a pau i kou nawaliwali. He mea maopopo nö iä ia no kou pono ano mea e, aole loa e oe uhai aku ana me kekahi kanaka hookahi, a no nā mea a pau. Oe e kū iā ia ma kaʻaoʻao o no o ke aloha, ka lokomaikai a aloha. I kekahi manawa oe ke uhi i ka makau i ka abandonment o ka 'ōlelo' oe e i ka hewa i ua kanaka. A laila, e hoʻomaka e ho'āpono aku i ka hana a me ka manaʻo, akä, no kona hoaaloha, wahi ana i ia ano mea e ole nei. Akā, aha, inā mākou e nānā i ke kahua mai o kaʻokoʻa huina? E hoʻomau i ka huki ma kekahi "ʻawahia" hoa, a ua hiki ke hoʻouna maikaʻi ikehu i ka olelo maikai. No ia mea, ua oi ka maikai kanaka i loko o kou kaiapuni.

E like me kēia mau kanaka i kaʻapu kōheoheo i kou ola?

I LIKE-hoʻomāhuahua ai kanaka i ka puu o ka io kāna moʻolelo. Kekahi o ia mea i ka hiʻona o ka huki ana ma kona pahale loko kaiapili maikaʻi ikehu. I ka mea, ka mea i ikehu mele hula. Anei oe makemake e haawi aku i kekahi o ko lākou na waiwai i ka mea aole loa ia e hoʻomaikaʻi akuʻoe no ka mea,? Altruism - ia mea maikai quality, akā, wale i ka mea maoli e pono kōkua poe. Inā mākou e kamaʻilio ana opportunists, ka mea hana e like me ka nui ballast, a ma neia hope aku, e hoʻopaneʻe 'oe i loko o ka lua.

E ka manao maikai loa

Poina e pili ana i lehulehu manao a me ke koena o kou mana hoaaloha. Kēia kanaka e hoʻololi i ole i kekahi mea, a me ka mea e mau hoʻomau e pili ana i kā lākou mau laina. E manaoio mai iaʻu, ina e makemake oe e maʻalahi kiʻi mai o ka pukapuka o "ʻawahia" Pilina. E ka manao i waeʻia, a pana aku au i kou ikehu ma luna o kekahi mea maoli hewaʻiʻo mea. A lailaʻoe e haha nui!